


Now or Never

by Ria84



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dear Santa, Devoted Reylo, Episode 9 prediction, F/M, Is resolved, Just a little angst, Light Angst, Loss of Virginity, New Year's Eve, Oral Sex, Please make this come true, Post-Canon, Smut, Unresolved Feelings, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, alternating povs, secret meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-09-28 20:12:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ria84/pseuds/Ria84
Summary: A year after Crait, Rey reaches out to Kylo for a secret meeting on neutral territory - The Festival of Light on Naboo.For one moment in time, there is no war, there is no First Order or Rebellion - just them.





	1. One moment in time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KylosWetGlove (Bendu_the_Grey)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bendu_the_Grey/gifts).



> For my love Bri, who is the most darling lady and one of the most dedicated Reylos out there.
> 
> Part of the CaP Heaux Heaux Heaux Holiday Fic Exchange.

Kylo knew, deep down to his bones, that this was the worst idea he’s ever had. And he’s had a lot of them.

 

This was a trap, without a doubt.

 

And yet, here he was, waiting for _her_.

 

He’d successfully smuggled himself into his grandmother’s Varykino castle in Lake Country.  The ease with which he’d made it past any wondering eyes confirmed that he was going to be ambushed sooner rather than later. Why else would she had asked him to meet him in person here, during Naboo’s Festival of Light no less?

 

Kylo’s pleasant childhood memories were few and far between, but joining his mother to celebrate the start of a new standard year on Naboo was one of them. Naboo always celebrated joining the Galactic Republic on the last day of the year and it was a production worth millions of credits and months of advanced planning. The Festival of Light was not the ideal time for them to meet; there were millions of tourists from all over the Galaxy swarming everywhere, exponentially increases the chances for them to get recognized.

 

Did these fools really believe he would be completely unprepared? The last thing Snoke had felt was insurmountable regret that he had underestimated him. After all, he was Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order.

 

And now Leia was attempting to bait him into a trap by doing  what she was best at; using people for the greater good. She used her own brother to protect her rabble on Crait and now she was using her to get to him.

 

“Rey”

 

Kylo sighed as he spoke her name out loud for the first time in a year. He had always officially referred to her as the _scavenger, Jedi scum_ and _Enemy of the Order_ on the Wanted holos he’d commissioned, but to him she would always be just Rey.

 

The Force had brought them together for a reason; he felt it from the moment he found her in the lush woods on Takodana.

 

Even as injured as he was during their battle, he was easily overpowering her. He could’ve easily pushed her over the edge of the cliff, into the fiery abyss of Starkiller but he didn’t because the Force willed it.

 

He’d known that killing her would hurt him so much more than any weapon she used against him. So he let her live, sacrificing his body for hers.

 

Kylol tasted the bitter vitriol of her betrayal. Being her confidant, her companion in the loneliness they were both baptized in,  was the only time he’d felt good about anything, for as long as he’s had a conscious mind.. He didn't know how desperate he’d been to belong to someone; one who understood him, one who didn’t judge based on his past or held him to the expectations of his family’s legacy, until he met her.

 

Just like her, he’d been cursed with worthless parents who had given up on him the moment they realized what he was. Snoke had only used him for his powers, manipulating his need for belonging and turning him into nothing more than a weapon. He realized, eventually, that he was the rabid cur Snoke had such disdain for, not Hux.  The way Rey trusted him implicitly, to the point where she’d shipped herself to him so she could help him, revived something in him that he thought was dead and buried.

 

Hope.

 

Snoke was wrong; it had not been killing the past that made him who he is today. It was her; she’d been decisive and dedicated in her decision to save him until the very last moment. Trusted him to make the right decision as she was pleading with him on her knees.

 

And then, after fighting together, feeling the Force vibrant as it flowed and ebbed through them as never before, he was sure that she was it. The family he had always yearned for; the partner he’d always hoped to have both in life and in the Force.

 

She betrayed him. Chose _them,_ leaving him for dead and in the process the remnants of Ben Solo’s tattered soul burned.

 

Kylo shook the perfidious thought out of his mind as he felt her approaching;

 

“Did you know my grandmother used to own this palace?” he spoke without facing her, leaning over the balcony, allowing himself the simple pleasure of feeling the mild breeze through his locks of unruly raven curls.

 

“Tell me, what do you want?” she asked in an icy tone of voice.

 

_Just you._

 

Rey had reached out to him through a coded message, proposing to meet him to discuss terms of surrender. She had successfully shut him out from their bond every day for the past year. During the first few weeks after Crait, he’d used the First Order’s resources to chase her across the galaxy, coming close a number of times but never successfully apprehending her.

 

What she didn’t know is that he’d changed his mind about destroying her and the New Rebellion.  

 

At night, when her she let her guard down to rest and he would sit for hours, watching her sleep, memorizing every single freckle, cataloguing every single soft sleepy sound she made. At night he could see her at peace, and sometimes she even smiled. He hoped she was dreaming of him and the brief times when they were on the side of each other, not opposite sides of his mother’s war.

 

He saw her surroundings. He knew where they were. He just couldn’t bring himself to hurting her anymore.

 

Her presence in the Force was loud, her power had increased exponentially since the last time they were in the same physical place together. Kylo wondered if she was aware that she’d grown more powerful than him at this point. She was balanced and he had one colossal weakness.

 

Her.

 

“You know what I want. It’s why you came here isn’t it? This is why my mother allowed you to leave. An end to the war.”

 

He had not yet faced her, continuing to stare at the stillness of the lake, trying to draw strength from its stoic tranquility.

 

“Why me?” she asked again, her voice quietly trembling. She seemed as shaken as he was by their first face to face encounter in almost a year.

 

He took a deep centering breath as she closed some of the distance between them.

 

“You are the only thing in this entire galaxy that doesn’t fear me.” _You are the only thing that could destroy me._

 

He didn’t need the Force to tell him what she was feeling; her words quivered as they left her lips “I want you to stop chasing the Resistance; it’s been a year. I’ve seen the wanted holos. I wanted to come here with a deal - me for them.”

 

Kylo felt his envy-fueled rage bubble over and couldn’t stop the words from coming out like venom “Look at you! Luke Skywalker’s chosen pupil, the light of the  Resistance, sacrificing yourself for the cause.”

 

The bitter aftertaste of his hateful words was still on his tongue as more came, a flood of emotions he no longer could manage poured out of him.

 

“Back then I hoped you came for me. But just like today, you came because you choose the Rebels.”

 

He felt his tears fall, but he could not let her see them.

 

Luke always preached about reaching out with feelings to sense the Force, the balance of all things. When he was with Rey, he didn’t have to reach. He let his feelings course through him, mingle with hers and form something different, something whole and powerful.

 

Balance.

 

He needed that back.

 

“I know the darkness calls to you. I called to me too. But I was always taught to fear it; you didn’t resist it either. You used it and it didn’t swallow you whole. But the darkness Rey, the darkness is a liar. I can help you fight it, I can help you fight the dreams.”

 

“You’re the liar!” she hissed behind him.

 

He could not stand it any longer, he needed to see her, to look her in the eyes when he bared his soul to her once more “I’ve never lied to you Rey. I’m sorry if the truth upset you.”

 

She was more beautiful than he remembered. It had been mere hours since he’d seen her last, sleeping restlessly on her ship en route to meet him. The bond though, it didn’t do her justice. Her long hair, braided and hanging off one shoulder framed her flawless face that seemed to glow in the light of the sunset. Her eyes though, were filled with sadness, a reflection of his pain looking back at him.

 

“It wasn’t the truth that hurt me Kylo. As you said, I always knew deep down I knew what I was. Where I came from. “

 

He knew there was no turning back; they would need to talk about this now or never “Then why? Why did you leave?”

 

She stood next to him, just steps away and looked up to meet his gaze “Because you tried to use me! Because you tried to take everything and manipulate me so I would choose you. So that you could use me the way Snoke used you. The way Luke did.”

 

She was now leaning on the stony railing, silent tears streaking her face as he watched her, a knot of panic beginning to form in his chest.

 

“When you killed Snoke, you did what your grandfather was not able to do until Luke helped him. You freed yourself. And then you chose to chase the Resistance, you chose to hurt your mother, you chose to hunt me.”

 

Like the sand grains in an hourglass, she’d slipped through his fingers. He couldn’t let that happen again.  

 

He stood behind her, so close but afraid to touch her. He’d told her once that he could take whatever he wanted, but he never dared.

 

“I’m a prisoner to my decisions, Rey. I’ve made my peace with that.”

 

“Don’t! Don’t give up on making your own path. Don’t give into the horrors of your family’s legacy.” She was still a spitfire, passionately fighting until the very end.

 

“Fight it.”  She whispered as a final plea.

 

Could he trust her again? He felt like a fool taking a chance on her again, but what choice did he have?

 

_Now or never._

 

“I did hope you’d choose me. But I knew you wouldn’t. No one ever does.”  He paused to steady himself; he was spiraling into the all-too familiar well of self-loathing but the storm of words continued unbidden “I told you that needing your parents was your greatest weakness. It’s not. It was mine. It’s what gave Snoke the leverage he used to get to me and it made me so angry to see you succumbing to the same rouse.”

 

She continued to watch the ruby red sunset as she spoke in a hushed tone, trying not to choke on her tears “You wouldn’t understand my loyalty because you care about nothing.”

 

He didn’t want her to say anything else. He was already touching her. His body was magnetized to hers, closing the distance and bringing them within a hair’s breadth. His mind reeled, warning him that he was going down a path of assured self-destruction, but he couldn’t bear it any longer.

 

_Now or never._

 

“I care about you Rey. I love you” Like rolling thunder the words echoed in their silence.

 

He leaned down and desperately sealed his lips to hers, crushing her entire body to his in a violent kiss.

 

He expected she would hit him but instead, she kissed him back with the same ardor. Their lips crashed like waves of stormy waters, two souls sharing what their words were never able to speak.

 

She missed him just as much as he missed her. He traced the seam of her pillowy bottom lip with his tongue, relishing as she opened up for him, allowing him to explore her mouth. Her hands fist through his curls as his arms wrap around the tiny frame of her waist, sliding lower towards her bottom that fit perfectly in his hands.

 

Their kissing was urgent and suddenly insufficient as they both seemed to be wanting more, but he had to be sure. He gently parted from her lips, admiring the way his touch had made them plump and fresh with color and held on to her tightly.

 

“Why did you come here Kylo?” she whispered her question into his chest.

 

_The truth._

 

“For you.”

 

“You don’t have much time, they’ll be here in the morning.” She spoke softly, all pretence for their meeting having dissipated somewhere in the twilight. He gripped the stone railing tighter, anchoring himself,  still fearing that she would recoil if his touch lingered.

 

“Do you want me to stop?” He crooned into her shoulder as he felt her shudder under his touch.

 

He felt a surge of overwhelming mixed emotion: relief, apprehension but most of all _arousal._ It wasn’t just him though; Rey had opened the bond,  allowing him to feel the truth behind her words.

 

“No.”


	2. Frozen in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV and the continuation of the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mind the tags*  
> xo

Finn was never going to agree to her plan and neither would Leia, so she didn’t tell them. Poe understood her need to surrender herself to Kylo Ren, that this was the only chance the New Rebellion had to make any headway against the First Order. Her presence was enough of a distraction for him to take his attentions of the chase.

 

She never shared with Poe Dameron that every night she allowed Kylo Ren to watch her sleep. 

 

At first she permitted the intrusion so she could study him, to read him and use his weakness against him. But as the nightly ritual continued, she felt his hatred for her dissipate and something else, something pure took root in him. In both of them. Thus, her real reason for wanting to meet him, to understand the truth behind those emotions.

 

_ I care about you. I love you. _

 

She felt the full weight of the words through their bond, but she didn’t need to. It was written on his face as he stood to face her, wholly unmasked and honest, dripping with trepidation.

 

_ Do you want me to stop?  _

 

He’d asked as his lips set her ablaze, making her forget about everything. Nothing mattered right now, just him. She’d left the bond open, allowing the Force to guide them where it willed and allowing herself to get lost in his touch. 

 

Her breath hitched deep in her chest as he pressed his soft lips to hers, this time with an urgency she herself felt deep down to her bones . The kiss was so wet and so deep, she felt breathless and it was the most intoxicating suffocation she had ever experienced.  

 

She turned to face him, following her instincts her hand reached down tentatively between them.

 

His eyes fluttered open and looked at her, really seeing her, moving her hand away and bringing it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist. Before she could say anything in protest, he whispers against her parted lips “No Rey, we’re doing this right. I’m going to take my time with you sweetheart. We may only have tonight, but it’s our night”

 

“Inside.” Is all he commanded and she obeyed, dutifully following him, holding his large hand between hers, feeling the hardened calluses that matched hers perfectly. 

 

He placed her on the bed, so gently, like she was the most precious thing he had ever held. He seemed almost afraid to touch her when she kisses him again, the distance between them too painful to accept.

 

He slowed his lips so he could move them, positioning himself on top of her with his elbows bent at her sides, his palms under her shoulder blades, sliding them down her back towards her waist. He straddled her thighs with his knees, careful to not overwhelm her with his large body.

 

His sinful mouth moved from her lips to her throat, where she felt his hot tongue slowly licking a trail of flames down to the collar of her tunic. He slid  his hands from where they rested on the small of her back up towards her ribs and under her tunic, slipping it over her head in one swift motion. She reached up to him in turn, tugging at the black garment covering him, attempting to equalize the playing field.

 

As Kylo sat back on his haunches and tugged it, tossing it somewhere on the ground, she wiggled out from his leg hold and seated herself on his lap, caressing every bit of his broad chest.  It appeared he’d put on more muscle - if that was even possible - since the last time she’d seen him at this stage of undress.

 

Her mouth was watering as her nimble fingers explored his broad shoulders, his well-defined pectorals, his protruding abdominal muscles. Her eyes lingered at the ‘V’ shape of his hips, her fingers following her gaze  as it lead her sight down to his groin. 

 

Reaching his hands behind her shoulder blades, he removing her breast with one swift tug, without tearing his mouth away from her. He only slowed for a moment to behold her naked breasts, his gaze burning her and freezing her in place simultaneously. 

 

No one had ever looked at her this way, like she was singular, precious and worthy. 

 

He gently brushed a few strands of hair out of her face, still holding her with one muscular arm and cupping her chin between the fingers of the other “Rey, you are everything to me, you believe that right?”

 

She nodded her understanding, feeling the sting of the tears threatening to spill if she spoke a single word.

 

He ducked his head down to her heaving chest, flicking his tongue over her nipple, nipping it between his teeth, sucking and releasing it, then laving it with his tongue. The mix of sensations was more than overwhelming, a strangled moan escaping her parted lips while her hips bucked into his stomach.

 

She feel his hardness against her thigh at that and a pang of fear suddenly crept up her spine.

 

When he looked up at her, even in the dimness of the evening sun, she could see that his  eyes were almost completely black, filled to the brim with lust, mirroring hers. He pulled himself back from her, placing a chaste kiss on her bottom lip and whispered against her parted mouth “I’ve never done this either sweetheart, we can stop whenever you want. But if you let me, I will can take such good care of you, give you everything you need.”

 

_ Never? How is that possible? _

 

Kylo slows his attention to her breasts and responds to her out loud  “I grew up as a Jedi, their rules explicitly forbid all sentiment and emotional connection to another being. Snoke never forbade sex explicitly to the Knights of Ren, but the training he had us undertake never allowed us the time or energy to even think about that.” 

 

He paused for a moment, nervously chewing on the inside of his cheek as his hands caressed the side of her ribs “Besides” he continued thoughtfully, ”Even if I had the time and energy for this kind of endeavour, it’s very unlikely that someone, anyone, would get close enough for me to even contemplate it.”

 

Her heart broke for him, knowing firsthand the same loneliness and longing he felt.

 

Her breath hitched in her chest as he gripped her and shifted his weight, propping himself on top her. She felt her core throb as he spread her thighs, making room for himself while his right hand traced the band of her tights. 

 

Her entire body overheated, the pressure building close to critical as Kylo slid his hand under the garment, reaching between her legs and cups her sex over her undergarments.

 

“Oh Rey, you’re soaked” he grunted huskily, his desire mixing with hers through the bond.

 

She can hear herself moaning into his hair as he runs two fingers up and down her slit, teasing her mercilessly, her slick pooling between her legs as he drove her to the edge of sanity with lust. Just when she thought she might explode from the sensation, he pulled her underwear to the side and slipped one long finger inside her.

 

“I want to taste you Rey”

 

It was not a request for permission and she didn’t get a chance to react, because he’d already shifted her across the bed to kneel on the floor, between her legs, tearing the tights off her. 

 

His hands slid up her inner thighs, followed by his mouth kissing every inch of her legs as his face neared her throbbing cunt. Her thighs draped over his shoulders as he spread her open and he placed an open mouth kiss on her soaked folds, making her arch into his mouth.

 

His calloused hands slipped under her bottom, cupping each of her cheeks and opening her up even more as he slid her closer to his face.

 

She’d never experienced anything like this. Her body was a tightly wound coil, ready to spring. 

 

His thumbs skimmed up her slit, dipping inside her just enough to be covered in her wetness. He uses them to spread her slicked folds and flick his wet, velvety tongue against her clit. First slowly,  but picking up the pace to match the urgent bucking of her hips into his mouth.

 

She’s lost all sense of modesty and if he were to stop now for any reason she would lose her sanity.

A strangled moan from the depths of her belly escaped her as he licked up her wet folds, stopping at her engorged bundle of nerves and sucking it in his mouth.

 

He continued to lick her as he slipped one of his fingers inside her, followed by a second. She felt the heat tightening in her lower belly listening to the obscene sounds his fingers were making as he pressed in and pulled out of her throbbing cunt. 

 

True to his earlier promise, he gave her exactly what she needed,  taking his mouth off her clit and replacing it with his thumb, the additional pressure causing her inner walls to  tighten around his fingers, her thighs pressing into his shoulders as her bottom completely off the bed, careening towards her climax.

 

“Good girl, cum for me”

 

And she does as he commanded in his deep voice, feel the release from the top of her head all the way to the bottom of her toes, moaning loudly as she fists the bed sheets around her.

 

When she opened her eyes after taking time to catch her breath, she realized that it was no longer day, the sun having set some time ago, making way for the full  moon to shine on them.

 

“We’re not even close to being done sweetheart” he growled in the same low timber as he slides one arm under her and pushes himself  back on the bed, undoing his pants with the other. 

 

He barely gave her any time to recover from her climax before he spread her legs with his own, placing himself on top of her and resting his weight on his forearms on each side of her shoulders. She could kiss that mouth all day, every day, for the rest of her life and it will not be enough. 

 

He wrapped her legs around his waist and shucked his pants and underwear, springing his cock free. 

 

Rey gulped and felt overwhelmed at the sight of him. She wasn’t anxious anymore however; she craved it, needing him to bury himself inside her.

 

He reached between them, stroking himself his right hand, teasing her entrance and covering his rock hard cock with her slick. She was dripping wet, not just from the mind blowing orgasm he just gave her but from anticipation.

 

Sliding his hands back under her bottom so he could angle her hips at a better angle, he paused to ask with wide eyes “Do you want me to stop sweetheart, it’s now or never.”

 

Rey sucked in a sharp breath. “No” is all she could muster to speak. She let her feelings flow freely through the bond, assuring him there was nothing else she wanted more than to be his completely.

 

He smiled in relief as he pressed the weeping head of his throbbing cock against her warm slit, groaning as he eases himself inside her, one inch at a time, blurring the lines between pleasure and pain.

 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I promise it will feel  _ so _ good. I will go slow until you’re used to me. You’re so fucking tight” he groaned as he began thrusting slowly. 

 

She watched him close his eyes and bite his lip as he continued his shallow thrusts in and out of her, stretching her until she became used to the fullness and moved her hips experimentally. It was heaven. 

 

Her body took his perfectly as she began to keep rhythm with him, letting him pick up the pace a bit until finally, he was buried to the hilt inside her.

 

“I’m going to fuck you now Rey.” She nodded her head and roll her hips into him as his filthy words caused her to get even wetter, somehow. 

 

She’ never felt so free, wanton and uninhibited and relished in his guttural feral sounds as he thrust into her quicker, deeper, meeting him with equal enthusiasm.

 

“You’re so pretty when you cum sweetheart, I want to see that again” He reached a hand between them to gives her back that extra pressure she needed. She keened and found her release with him inside her, her cunt throbbing around his cock. The strangled sound that left his so filthy as he couldn’t hold back anymore. She felt his entire body tense as he buried his face in her shoulder and filled he with the wet heat of his spend.  

 

He was peppering kisses all over her clavicles, her throat and her cheeks as they fell back into bed and he pulled out of her, the separation making both of them wince. 

 

She nestled in next to him, laying her head on his chest, intertwining her fingers with his. “It’s a new year Rey.” He kissed the words into her hair.

 

_ You’ve opened yourself up to the darkness for a pair of pretty eyes. _

 

Luke’s words rang loudly in her ears as she laid in his arms, listening to his heart beat.

 

She finally understood what the vision of the cave on Ach-To had meant to tell her: Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are two sides of one coin. The dark and the light inside one person, one could not be saved at the other’s expense. She could not care for one without the other. She had to accept them both, care for them both.

 

Or destroy them both.

 

Her role was never  turning Ben Solo back to the light, it was never about making a choice between Ben and Kylo; The Force wanted  _ balance.  _ She was his as much as he was hers.

 

“We’re together just to say goodbye” He knew she wouldn’t be here when he woke up. She’d made no pretense and yet, she felt her heart ache. 

 

“I know.” is all he answered, his fingers toying with a strand of her hair. 

 

She didn’t have to say the words, he could feel everything through the bond, but she had to, at least once.

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I know that too.” he kissed her hair again, wrapping his hands around her to pull her closer to his chest. “Hux is coming to kill me in the morning.”

 

“They’ll be ambushed by the Rebels” she spat, the seeds of a new plan sprouting in her mind. She will not allow anyone harm Kylo Ren. 

 

For the first time ever, she’d heard him laugh. “The Knights of Ren are just outside those doors. But i feel the same way about you little Jedi. You have to leave before I wake. ” 

 

She wanted to argue but knew he was right. These moments, like all their other encounters, were stolen. Like tiny precious stones, frozen in time.

 

“We’ll see each other again Kylo”

 

She felt him nod, their tears mingling as their time ran out. 

 

They spoke the lies their hearts hoped and parted as the sun rose and the new year begun. 

 

She would find her way to him. She would never give up that hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my love Bri xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter continues with Rey POV


End file.
